We are LIVE at the Scotiabank Place in Ottawa, Ontario Canada!
Hey! It's WWE Champion Alberto Del Rio, already in the ring with Ricardo Rodriguez in tow! I wonder whatever happened to Brodus Clay? Maybe we'll find out, because Del Rio has THE STICK: "Are you going to boo me? (Crowd boos) It's okay, it's okay. Because I can take that. What I can't take is being disrespect(ed)." Crowd: "What?" Rodriguez: "Bunch of fast Spanish I can't transcribe because I flunked Espanol." You guys are in Canada; you need to speak FRENCH! Just ask the Rougeaus! Del Rio continues: "Last week, John Cena hit me with an AA, and all of you, the WWE universe, made fun of me. I am the undisputed WWE champion, and NO ONE makes fun of me. I'm the man who took out Rey Mysterio, and I also retire somebody, and I'm sure you remember his name - Edge! I am the man who forced Edge to retire. I beat CM Punk at Summerslam, and I'm the man who's going to teach John Cena a lesson at Night of Champions. So you people better stop making fun of me; my name is Alberto Del Rio, and I am the undisputed WWE champion! ESPANOL! MORE ESPANOL! The greatest of the great!"
An electric guitar announces the arrival of Bret Hart! Canada goes wild! We hear our commentators for the first time, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Jim Ross. Bret stalks the ring and gets his own mic: "Amigo!" Lawler: "He speaks Spanish!" Crowd: "Bret, Bret, Bret!" Bret: "I just want you to know. I didn't come out here to disrespect you. I came out here to give you a little good advice. To give you a little education. 'Cause you know it seems obvious to me, when I look at you, I see you wearing the world, the WWE world championship belt (OOH HE CALLED IT A BELT SOMEONE CUT OFF HIS MIC), but when I look at you, I see a man who doesn't know what it means to be a world champion!" "Listen Bret, I destroyed Rey Mysterio. And I did the same with Edge, and if you want me to do the same-" "Whoa, whoa, let me just stop you right there. Don't even start. Call yourself a champion? Beating up on an already crippled, injured wrestler? Call yourself a champion? Give me a break! Amigo, you, you are all style and no substance. Just a little flash. You need to try to become a real champion, a man with pride, a man who comes into the ring, faces all challenges, wrestles day in, day out, night after night, and leaves it in the ring every night! That is how you become a world champion! That is how you become The Best there is, The Best there was, and The Best there ever will be! And you're a ways away from that!" "Oh. So, you want to make fun of me, Bret? That's what you want?" "No!" "How about you, a former champion that looks like a pomp (?), you look like a homeless person, with that 1994 jacket and that greasy hair and those (something in Spanish) shorts. Listen, you look just like one of those illegal Canadians I hire to clean my house! I'm the best there is, not you! I'm the WWE champion, and tonight, I'm going to make an example out of you!" Mic is thrown down, and THE SCARF IS OFF! Bret sets his mic down......
But here's the music heralding the arrival of The Prototype. Good thing, we were dangerously close to having some ACTION in between all that TALKING! Cena: "Thank you for the welcome. I, uh, I disagree with Alberto Del Rio, because I look at you, and your sense of style, and I don't see anything you describe, I see a WWE Hall of Famer. And, uh, I have no visual proof, but apparently Alberto Del Rio has finally grown a set of jalepenos! Because, for a month straight, every time I stand in this ring, you run away like a coward. It's kind of sad, really, because I'm out here to tell you to go home. Turn around, hop in that 2006 Ferrari F430 Spider with the manual six speed you don't even know what I'm talking about, do you? That's, That's what you get when you rent 'em, Jack! Anyway, turn around, go back to Mexico, take a cab there if you got to, and party like there's no tomorrow! Because YOU are the WWE champion for six more days! I've told this camera, I've told these people, I've told Tattoo from Fantasy Island. It's a shame you're the last I'm gonna tell, but at least I'm man enough to look you in the eyes and say I am going to beat you at Night of Champions this Sunday!" "Oh yeah? Why wait, Cena? Stupido! Let's give them what they want!" "Hold on. Why wait? I've been trying to fight you for a month!You want to fight right now? Let's go! Let's do this!" "If you have the cojones, let's give these people the match they want! You, you, John Cena, against Ricardo Rodriguez!" Ricardo seems less than fond of this plan."You hit this man in the face a few weeks ago, and he wants to make you pay. He will make you pay, tonight." "Wow, that was not what I expected. You throw Tattoo in harm's way. That's, that's just horrible. I tell you what, I get it, you want to wait until Sunday. Fine. If you want to make a match, I mean, a really special match for a special crowd tonight..." Crowd: "He indicated us! YAY!" "....see, see, the noise, the noise and energy, it gets my mind working! I get these ideas, I'm an idea guy, and, uh, I see in the imaginary crystal ball, the greatest of the great, the man thinks it's his destiny to be the WWE Champion, the heartless, classless, voiceless, gutless, rental-car riding, Travelocity flying, thousandaire that is the WWE Champion Alberto Del Rio puts the WWE Championship on the line tonight against....The Best there is, The Best there was, The Best there ever will be, Hall of Famer Bret "The Hitman" Hart!" Hart's jacket is off! He wants the match! Crowd: "We want Bret!" Cena: "In the words of Judge Mills Lane, let's get it on!" Cena just volunteered a 54 year-old man for a world title match in which he could potentially be CRIPPLED! WHAT A BABYFACE!! "One moment. One moment, please." It's Mr. Future Endeavor, Super Dave Osborne! Cena: (Johnny Ace voice) Oh. Oh, hey, look. Hey guys, it's the executive vice-president of talent relations, John Laurinaitis!" "My name is John Laurinaitis. I am the executive vice-president of talent relations. On behalf of HHH, I say we give everyone what they really want to see! A tag team match! WWE champion Alberto Del Rio, teaming up with his announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez, to face the team of John Cena and the Hitman, Bret Hart!" Cena: "That's the first good decision you've made in your life! You're going down tonight, boys!"
Tonight, six days before Night of Champions, CM Punk and HHH will face off in ring and say WHATEVER they want to each other! MORE TALKING ON YOUR WRESTLING SHOW! Also, champion vs champion, Randy Orton vs Cody Rhodes!
Commercials. USA shows suck. Sorry, but it's true. Except for whatever one Piper Perabo is on. THAT show is great! Who CARES what the name of it is? Perabo!
We're back in the middle of The Lizard King's entrance, as he tags with Alex Riley against Mr. Ziggles and Jack Swagger, the aforementioned already in the ring with Vickie Guererro. No time for entrances when there's TALKING to be done later!
Lizard King & Alex Riley vs Mr. Ziggles and Jack Swagger -Morrison and Ziggler start. Lockup. Side headlock by Ziggler. Off the ropes, shoulderblock by Ziggler. Criss-cross, Morrison standing leapfrog, Ziggler running leapfrog, armdrag by Morrison! Dropkick by Ziggler caught by Morrison. Catapult into the turnbuckle! Vickie is displeased. Morrison with a kick off the middle rope. Lawler talking about teaming with a mystery partner against McGillicutty tonight. 1,2, no! Morrison sets up for the spear, misses and hits the post. Ziggler with Greco-Roman Stomp, another, another, another. Neckbreaker on Morrison. 1,2, no! Next Monday, Hugh Jackman on Raw! Ziggler measures Morrison - elbow! 1,2, no! Ziggler and Swagger argue about tagging out, Ziggler declines. Morrison with a kick to the top of the head! Morrison and Ziggler roll to their corners - simultaneous tags! Riley with a clothesline (sort of)! Again! Spinebuster! Kick to Ziggler! Throws Ziggler out of the ring! Turns around with a combination uranage/clothesline to Swagger. 1,2, no! Riley with the kick, but here's Swagger with the go-behind. Anklelock! Riley reverses Swagger into Ziggler on the apron! Riley with a fireman's carry into a Diamond Cutter! Ziggler can make the save, but doesn't! 1,2,3! (2:44)
Replay shows us that, indeed, Ziggler just let his team lose. He and Vickie argue all the way to the back. Holy crap, Ross just said "Loser's share of the purse"! I haven't heard anyone say that since VENTURA.
In the back, here's Josh Matthews with R-Truth and The Miz. Matthews: "Gentlemen, despite your recent claims that there is a conspiracy against both of you, HHH has granted your request for a tag team championship match this Sunday against Air Boom. So with that said, have your feelings towards the COO changed?" Miz grabs the mike and walks off the interview set, R-Truth behind, but both of them are WALKING! Maybe they have to go outside so R-Truth can have a SMOKE! Miz: "HHH does the obvious and grants us our rightful tag team championship match, and everything is supposed to be okay? That's laughable. So is CM Punk considering himself a martyr, the voice of the voiceless. All anyone is talking about is this faceoff between HHH and CM Punk. But oh, wait everybody, this time they're actually going to tell the truth. If Punk truly wanted to tell the truth, he'd change his name from CM to what it should be, BS." Truth: "You know what, I kind of, um, feel that HHH has made a pretty good decision, man. I respect it." "Really? Really? Really? Really?" "Ninja, please! Hell no!" "What did you just say?" "I said Ninja, *chopsocky sound*, please. I want HHH to lose this Sunday too. I want him out of here, as COO. Come on Miz, let's show these people the Real Truth." Now, they've hit the ramp. Truth: "Shut up.Triple H is COO. That spells COO. Now that, 2 times, spells COO COO. COO-COO is exactly what HHH is if he thinks we gonna let him off the hook. I hate to think. The Miz and I should be in the main event of every WWE pay-per-view. And we gonna prove that at the Night of Champions, and we gonna prove that right now!" "Cause the truth is, this Sunday, Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston are gonna get got!" "And that is.......awesome!" Play Miz's music! He's in action against Kofi Kingston NEXT! After these ADS!
Did You Know: Smackdown was the number 1 show on Syfy for 50th straight week! BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, STARGATE RERUNS!!
Kofi Kingston the Fake Jamaican vs Miz is awesome - We are reminded that this Sunday, it's Miz/Truth vs Air Boom for the tag titles! Miz fakes a lockup, then an elbow to Kingston. Punch, kick, punch, punch, punch, punch, punch, punch, Kofi in the ropes. Miz with the suplex. 1 count. Miz with the chinlock. Kofi to the gut. Again! To the face. Shoots Miz off the ropes, reversal. Hiptoss countered into a monkey flip! Shoulderblock by Kingston. Off the ropes, leapfrog, Kingston reverses the whip across the other side of the ring. Leapfrog again by Kingston. Miz hooks the ropes, attempts to hiptoss Kingston, Kingston takes him over the top rope as he goes flying! Bourne and Truth are over to cheer on their respective teammates. Too much action! We need a break, so here's some ads!
We're back with Miz controlling with a chinlock in the middle of the ring. Let's see what happened on the Raw split screen during the break; Miz countered a double stomp with a kick the the gut and a forward stunner to take control. Back to current action, Kofi elbows to his feet. Right, right by Kofi, but Miz stops that with a kick to the gut. Kneeling DDT! 1,2, no! Miz picks him up, but Kofi with a sunset flip! Right, kick, right, Miz now with a kick. Off the ropes, Kofi spins, double forearm! Kofi with the slap! Standing dropkick! Off the ropes, reversal, Kingston looking for the SOS, reversal to the corner by Miz. Miz charges - Kingston boot to the face! Kingston double leap to the top rope, REVERSE CROSSBODY! 1,2, NO! Miz boot to the face! Misses a second, Kingston with a rollup! 1,2, no! Miz with the inverted facelock - neckbreaker to the knee, then looks for the standing, Kingston with the backslide! 1,2, no! Kingston dropkick into the corner. Kofi attempts the flying teabag! Misses! Miz takes out his leg. Kingston crotch first on the top rope! VICIOUS neckbreaker off the top. Miz calls for the Skull-Crushing Finale - hits it! 1,2,3! (8:03)
Vickie and Teddy Long are in the back. Long: "Vickie, I saw what happened out there. Oh, by the way, I need to run something by you, and this came straight from HHH himself." "Wait. We don't even know if HHH will be in charge after Sunday." I would assume power reverts to the anonymous Raw GM then, right? Long: "Well, all that remains to be seen. At Night of Champions, Dolph Ziggler will defend the U.S. Title in a fatal four way match, against Jack Swagger, Alex Riley, and John Morrison." "That is so unfair. The other champions only have one opponent. Dolph has three!" "What?" "What are you looking at!?" The looker in question is KellySquared, who Vickie now approaches. Kelly: "Nothing. It's just that Teddy may be more willing to listen if you weren't so -" "So what?" "Listen, I'm just trying to help." "If I need your help, I'll ask for it, you little ditzy barbie doll." "What did you just call me?" " You heard me. You make a pathetic Divas champion. I cannot wait until this Sunday night, when Beth Phoenix beats you in Buffalo. Not that it'll be tough; heck even I could beat you." "Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on just a second. Now I was looking for some competition tonight for Kelly. You sure you can beat her in the ring Vickie? Let's find out." "Wait, wait, wait. What does that mean?" "You figure it out. Holler." "Excuse me. Excuse me!!"
Cena and Bret are talking in the back next to some tables. Doesn't Cena get a DRESSING ROOM? Later, Del Rio/Rodriguez vs Cena/Bret. Next, it's Lawler and a mystery partner vs Otunga/McGillicutty! I hope it's the MOUNTIE!! Let's ponder it during these ads!
The WWE Slam of the Week is sponsored by Kentucky Fried Chicken! It's Lawler and Ryder beating Otunga and McGillicutty last week. You know what a better name is than McGillicutty - HENNIG!
David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty are already in the ring, and McGillicutty has the STICK: "Jerry Lawler. Listen up, old man. I don't know where you get this how we don't have a personality. Jerry, I was born with a personality. Don't you know who my father was?" WHY NO, WHY NOT SAY HIS NAME? Otunga: "Do you know who I am? Really? Do you know what I've done? I'm a Harvard-educated lawyer. (Crowd boos because they HATE smart people.) Yeah. So why don't you shut your mouth and bring out your partner?" Lawler: "Well, first of all, let me say this, McGillicutty, I did know your father. And trust me, you're not your father. And David Otunga, just what we need; another lawyer. Now you may have graduated from Harvard, but you obviously failed your charisma class. So right now, let me introduce you to my partner, who, by the way, has a lot of charisma, and he is loaded with personality." With that, the music of King Sheamus hits. Hey, remember when Sheamus took Jerry Lawler's head off with a huge kick, and it was the most heinous thing in the history of heinous things? Well, I DO, WWE, and you can't make me forget. WHY DOES JERRY TRUST HIM NOW? Oh, right, he's a good guy. As for the match, well, I hate vegetables, so this gets no recap because it's full of SQUASH. Sheamus with the Celtic Cross, 1,2,3. (2:31) Lawler has a bloody nose after the match. Probably due to all that amazing ACTION.
Later tonight, HHH and CM Punk have a confrontation! Yeah, more TALKING!
In the back, Del Rio and Rodriguez prepare for their tag team match! Rodriguez rattles off Spanish ending in 'aphrodisiac' and does fake pushups as Del Rio leaves in disgust. This match is NEXT! (Really?)
WWE.com wants to know who would replace HHH as the COO should he lose on Sunday. Really, there's only one choice: JACK TUNNEY! Never gone in our hearts, Jack!
That music can only mean one thing - here comes The Prototype, Bret Hart right behind him. Please don't let Bret tag in, WWE. That's all I ask. Please. Here comes Ricardo, with a less than confident introduction of the WWE Champion, Alberto Del Rio. Sunday, Del Rio and Cena for the title! Also tonight, HHH and Punk TALK to each other. That is going to be the main event, isn't it? 2 guys talking to each other. Sigh. Oh well, we've got some great wrestling right now, right?
The Prototype and Bret Hart vs Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez - Del Rio makes Rodriguez start, against his wishes. Rodriguez with a charge, Cena plays bullfighter using his shirt. And again. Crowd: "Ole!" 3rd time. 4th time. Cena tosses the shirt to the crowd and takes a swing at Del Rio in the corner. Rodriguez with a shot to Cena's back. Cena ignores it. Cena with the back drop. Rodriguez to the corner, tags Del Rio. Del Rio less than thrilled. Cena chases Del Rio outside the ring, gets caught coming back in with a kick to the head. Boot, boot, boot, boot, boot, boot. Now he's raining rights on Cena in the corner. Boot to Cena's chest. Del Rio whips Cena to the corner, Cena charges out with a clothesline. Another clothesline! Del Rio to the corner; Cena splash! Cena with the DROPKICK! Cena goes for AA, Del Rio tags in Rodriguez after grabbing the top rope. Cena brings him in the hard way! Shoulder block! Another Shoulder block! Protobomb! Cena indicates that he is about to disappear from our sight. 5-knuckle shuffle - hits! Rodriguez up for the AA; Del Rio is taking a walk! AA hits! Crowd wants Bret - Cena with the tag! Sharpshooter! Rodriguez taps! (3:22) Play Bret's music! Cena has the stick and addresses Del Rio: "Yeah. You run. And you keep running all the way to Night of Champions. This Sunday, your destiny changes, pal. At the end of Night of Champions....the champ is here!" Play Cena's music! People are booing, so play Bret's music again! As Bret poses, it's clearly time for some ads!
Holler, holler, holler! We're back just in time for the entrance of Divas Champion Kellysquared! MAN, that belt is ugly. Kelly has 250,000 followers on Twitter now, Lawler says. And I ain't one of 'em. This Sunday, Kelly Kelly meets Beth Phoenix for the Divas Championship! Sponsored by Light Strike! Vickie Guererro gets no entrance music, but she is accompanied by Mr. Ziggles. Convenient that she packed wrestling tights, though!
Divas Champion Kellysquared vs Vickie Guererro in a non-title match - Vickie with some warmups moves. Kelly off the ropes with a Thesz Press! I wish I could do that move TO her. I would...oh, SORRY. Kelly spanks Vickie. Reversal into a bulldog (?). Sort of. Crowd boos. Kelly kind of gently pushes Vickie into the corner with her foot. And here's Jack Swagger. Kelly with the booty to the face in the corner! Dolph and Swagger are having words outside. Swagger DECKS Ziggler! Vickie leans through the ropes to yell at Swagger, which means that the rollup from Kelly is coming, and indeed there's the 1,2,3. (1:09) Vickie, Swagger, and Ziggler continue to argue outside the ring, while Kelly poses on the turnbuckles, until she gets down and sees Beth Phoenix charging the ring! Boot to Beth, who falls off the apron! Kelly takes off with the title! Play her music!
Tonight, it's Orton vs Rhodes! World Champ vs Intercontinental Champ! Remember when that main-evented a Wrestlemania? Of course you don't, silly; that was the WWF Championship and the Intercontinental Championship! TITLE LINEAGES MATTER, DAMNIT! Also, CM Punk and HHH are gonna TALK to each other!
Here's a special look at The Game, HHH! He returns to action this Sunday! Tonight, he and CM Punk are going to TALK!
We're in the back with Josh Matthews, and his special guest, Mizark Henry. Henry: "Don't say a word! Just listen. And I hope Randy Orton is listening. People wonder why I annihilated The Big Show. Why I decimated Kane. Why I ran Sheamus through a barricade at Summer Slam. I'mma tell you. 15 years of looking over Mark Henry. 15 years of no respect. 15 years of not being a number one contender. 15 years of not being a World Heavyweight Champion. Well the reason that all that happened was to get me to this point, and that's to be the World Heavyweight Champion. And this Sunday, I promise you, Randy Orton is gonna enter my Hall of Pain!"
I hear voices, and that can only mean one thing, yep it's Randall Orton, entering the match first because tradition SUCKS. As the World Heavyweight Champion strolls to the ring, Ross actually wonders whether or not Orton can get the RKO on Mark Henry. Really? It would seem to be one of the few moves one COULD do to Mark Henry, but whatever. As Orton poses, let's take a break for some fine ads!
Did you know: Survivor Series, in Madison Square Garden, sold out this year in 90 minutes! Gosh, I wonder if anyone famous from the PAST has promised to be there or something....
Back from the break, and Randy is still in the ring by himself. Let us take you back to the end of Friday Night Smackdown, where Mark Henry delivered multiple world's strongest slams and then sat on top of Randy in a chair. Cole: "You have to wonder what's going through the mind of the viper." I'd like to think that it is some sort of brilliant strategic plan, but it's probably just cheeseburgers. And there's the entrance for Cody Rhodes, who WEARS THE BELT, making him instantly the guy I want to win who won't. He's accompanied by his paper bag handlers, who have the best job EVER. All they have to do is hand out paper bags, and they get to go all across the country. I wonder if that job has BENEFITS?
World Heavyweight Champion Randall Orton vs Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes in a double non-title match - How long before we mention that these two were in Legacy together? And who amongst the commentators will mention it? Lockup, Orton with a headlock. Cody shoots him off the ropes, Orton with a shoulder block. 1 count. Orton back to the headlock. Rhodes backs him into the corner, no clean break, right, kick, right, right. Referee drags him off. Whip, reversal, BIG back drop by Orton! And here's Henry out on the stage. Orton hops out of the ring, grabs a chair from underneath the ring and threatens Henry, who runs to the back. Rhodes coming from behind, but Orton with a right. Uppercut by Orton. Rhodes sent to the barricade. Clothesline by Orton on the floor! Orton throws him back in - 1,2, no! Rhodes sent to the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick by Orton. Referee gets him off, he goes back - he seems hell bent on stomping some sort of watery chasm in Rhodes and strolling until dry. Referee gets him off, Orton still looking towards the back. Orton with the rope mount punches - 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, Orton stops, checks the ramp - 8,9,10. Cross-corner whip, reverse by Rhodes, clothesline out of the corner by Orton! 1,2, no! Orton begins the Garvin Stomp, but Henry's back. And he's got a chair of his own. He sits down, and Orton leaves the ring and approaches. Now Rhodes is stirring. Henry rises. Orton is caught between them. He chooses Rhodes. Henry sits back down. Rhodes with the Beautiful Disaster off the apron! The referee is counting, seems like the perfect time to watch some ads!
We're back with Orton fighting out of a chinlock. Headbutt by Orton! Off the ropes, Orton puts his head down - kick to the face by Rhodes! Orton shoulder first to the turnbuckles. Rhodes with a drop armbar. 1,2, no! Elbow by Rhodes to the injured shoulder. Knee to the shoulder. Kick to the shoulder. Forearm to the shoulder. Ross: "Mark Henry is a very intelligent man." Sometimes, the commentators own words speak for themselves. Rhodes stomps Orton in the face. Keylock on the injured arm. Orton rises. Right hand, another. Rhodes YANKS the arm hard. Off the ropes, and Orton simply throws Rhodes halfway across the ring! And now, Henry is coming down to the ring. He stops short of the mats and puts the chair down to start watching again. Orton with a clothesline. Another one. Powerslam by Orton. Rope-assisted DDT, no! Rhodes back in the ring, looks for CrossRhodes, but Orton reverses. Puts Rhodes on the apron. Rope-assisted DDT - hits! And now it's time for the RKO! Orton pounds the mat! Hey Ref, maybe he's TAPPING! Henry is up now, and walking around the ring, up the steps. Orton turns his back on Rhodes to confront Henry, and Rhodes NAILS him with the mask. CrossRhodes! 1,2,3. (9:44) Oh, for the record, the answer to the question at the beginning of the match was 'never' and 'no one.' Henry in the ring with a chair. CHAIR SHOT to Orton! Henry demands the Belt! Looks at it, poses to the crowd, holds it over Orton.
Here's a replay of what just happened! Rhodes with the mask shot, then the CrossRhodes for the pin. Up next - It's MAIN EVENT TIME: PUNK AND HHH TALK FACE TO FACE OMG!!!!
The WWE Rewind is brought to you by Aaron's! You don't need credit, you just need Aaron's! Last Monday, HHH finds out that Kevin Nash sent the text message to himself...and fires him! WHY would they pick the LAMEST possible explanation to this storyline? Didn't anyone notice that Nash was going through HHH's things? WHERE WAS STEPHANIE DURING ALL THIS!!
It's time to play the GAME! Here comes COO HHH in a suit and tie, and I get my typing fingers ready for some transcribin'! WHY is the guy in the CM Punk shirt giving the DX sign? "Cult of Personality" plays out My Favourite Wrestler CM Punk, and he gets his pipe bomb in the ring, crossing his arms and waiting. "CM Punk" chant. Punk: "Well, here we are, Hunter, the big final showdown between me and you, and I don't want to speak for you, but I'm fascinated at the fact that the entire world is watching and they're waiting and they're wondering exactly what you and me are going to say to each other. So if you don't mind, I'll go ahead. I'll start. I respect you. I especially respect you for last week, doing what needed to be done, and you fired that charisma vacuum and ratings killer, Kevin Nash. But, just because I respect you, doesn't mean I like you. And I know that that doesn't matter to you, because you don't like me. I've known that since day one, and I know that because people like to talk. People tell me all the horrible little things you say behind my back. I also know this because I'm a great judge of character, and I can tell, it's all over your face, every time me and you were in a room together, every time we were in a ring together, any time we have to have a conversation, your skin just crawls. You don't like me. I think, when I first got here, you referred to me as a pompous, undersized, internet darling that couldn't hang with the likes of the mighty HHH." HHH: "Alright, that's changed a little bit." "That's the problem!" Crowd: "CM Punk!" Punk: "That's the problem, The fact that your perception of me has only changed a little bit. That's not good enough. Just like it's not good enough that nothing around here has changed since you basically fired Vince McMahon and became the leader of the WWE! You're just as bad as Vince McMahon, with your little suit, and your pants that probably don't have a back pocket for some weird reason. You're just like him, okay? You stand still and let all of this pass you by. You both share the same opinions and philosophies that a guy who looks like me doesn't belong in a ring with somebody who looks like you." Yeah! Just ask BENOIT! Wait, WHO? Continue, Punk. "The big thing that infuriates me is that for years now, you've both had this weird bodybuilder fetish/fantasy about what a main event caliber superstar needs to look like, and based on that, guys who don't fit your image, or more importantly, guys that do fit your image are afforded ten times the opportunities -" "Oh my god, Jesus. Is this, this is it? This is what you've got, huh? The bodybuilder thing? That's what you're going to blame it on? Let me drop a few names on ya: Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley, Bret Hart, Rey Mysterio. Some of the biggest superstars in the history of the WWE. I'll go out on a limb and say that 'bodybuilder' is not going to be used to describe any of those gentlemen."
Punk: "Oh, so you're going to deny to me and all these people right now that this mindset doesn't exist?" "Are you gonna use it as an excuse?" "No, I'm not using it as an excuse, but this is, this is always the land of the giants, right? This is the law of the jungle and the strong survive. Right? Tell me, tell me that you're not that naive. You don't actually believe that, right?" "If you want to use it as an excuse for your failures, Punk, go ahead." "My failures. My failures." "See, you're worried about my opinion all the time. You don't need to worry about my opinion. My opinion doesn't matter. Their opinion does. (Indicates crowd)" "Are you listening to 'em?" "Oh, I am, Punk. but that's today. And that's how you've changed my opinion. You see, it's the first six years that you bitch about incessantly, where you didn't get that reaction, but yet, you thought, for some reason, you were being held back. You see, it's not about my opinion, it's about theirs. You wanna be a star? All you have to do is get over with them. Those people, when you get them on your side, will come in droves to see you, Punk, and when they do, you'll get everything you ever wanted out of this business. You won't have to go and make phone calls that beg and plead to be on the cup at 7-11; 7-11 will call us and demand that you're on it." "So, we're listening to the audience TODAY, just today, is that right? We're listening to what they want? Then where, oh where, are my WWE Ice Cream Bars? And spare me the imaginary brass ring speech, because I've heard dozens and dozens of them over the years! I remember fondly my first brass ring speech. Let me take you back, if I could be afforded to tell you a little bit of a story. It was 2006. Philadelphia. The night before my first WWE Pay-Per-View, Survivor Series. I was on a tag team captained by Degeneration X!" Say, who ELSE was on that team? I'll give you a hint - they share the same name with two HARDY young detectives in a series of novels! Plus, they LOVE...you know, this is just going to get me into trouble. Back to Punk: "And the funny thing about that night is 18,000 people in Philadelphia weren't chanting DX, they weren't chanting HBK, they certainly weren't chanting HHH, they were chanting -" Crowd: "CM PUNK!" Punk: "The story unfortunately doesn't have a happy ending. You see, that was the first time I grabbed that imaginary brass ring, and went absolutely nowhere with it. You see, Hunter, I don't play games. What you see with me is what you get. And I would much rather be hated for what I am, then loved for something that I'm not."
HHH: "It's mighty heroic of you. Are you going to tell me all this time you've not had opportunities, that's what this is all about, right? Uh, let me see, pay-per-views, main events, money in the bank, multiple world championships...you know, those sound like a lot of opportunities to me, Punk. I don't know, maybe at some point in time, you have to look in the mirror, and look at yourself, and stop blaming everybody else and saying, I don't know, maybe, you're not as good as you thought you were. Maybe you're not the best in the world. You know, you told a story a few weeks ago, since we're storytelling, about John Cena coming up to you when you won your first championship here. He came up to you and he said 'Congratulations, I'd almost lost hope in you.' And you were flabbergasted by this, how dare John Cena talk to the Almighty CM Punk that way. Who the hell is he? Let me tell you who the hell he is. John Cena's a guy who came from nothing, and made himself into the biggest star in this industry. Some people love him, some people hate him, but the fact remains true, he sells out arenas all around the world. He did that on his own. He did it, by winning them over. See, you're worried about my opinion, when it's theirs you need to worry about all the time. People ask me my opinion, I'm honest with them, I tell them the truth. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong. Sometimes I look at a guy and I say yeah, that guy to me, looks great. I think he's probably going to be the biggest thing in the business. Turns out to be nothing. Other times I look at a guy and I say, you know what? I don't think he's got anything to offer this business. And then that guy turns out to be John Cena, the biggest star in the business. See, Punk, it's all about winning them over. That's all you got to do. Hey, they're with you here today. It's a big -" "Wait a second, wait a second are you listening to this audience that you supposedly listen to. Are you hearing this? Don't tell me that I have to win them over!" "See, here's the thing, Punk. Yes, today, they're chanting your name. Last year, not so much, and you know that to be a fact. You just started to get these people. But don't look back over the last six years, and play the martyr, and say you were held down -" "Everything I have -" "- cause it's a load of crap." " - in the last six years I have earned. I was handed nothing. I busted my ass, and I sacrificed for this business!" "You're damn right you did. And congratulations, that's what you do to make it here in the WWE. You bust your ass each and every night, you leave it all in this ring, the blood, the sweat, the tears, all of it! That's what you do! You're handed nothing. But here's the thing. That's how you get over in this business. Whether it's your warped internet philosophy, if that doesn't match for you, that's a fact! That's how you get over in this business. But this is not about business. This is going around in a circle here." NO KIDDING. WILL SOMEONE PUNCH SOMEONE? PLEASE? HHH: "This is about me and you. And this isn't business, it's personal! YOU made it personal! I tried to keep it business. You made it into a personal issue. That's why this Sunday, you are going to step into the ring, no disqualification, anything goes, with me. Not the businessman, not the COO, not the multiple time world champion, not the Game! Quite frankly, and quite simply, just a man! A man you insulted, and a man that is going to kick your ass!" "Well, la-de-dah. We can just add that little chestnut on top of all the other things your dead wrong about. This isn't about John Cena. *I* am the best in the world. And yeah, you know what? You're gonna kick my ass. Fantastic. Guess what else? I'm gonna kick your ass, and at the end of the night, I'm going to pin you, 1,2,3 in the center of the ring. I'm gonna make you go to sleep, because my quest for change in the WWE, it doesn't stop until you're no longer COO. And Sunday night, at Night of Champions, no disqualification, I'm gonna tell you a secret, why it's going to be so satisfying to me to kick your ass. And right now, this isn't CM Punk talking to HHH, this is Phil Brooks talking to Paul Levesque!" Holy CRAP, that's their real names! This shit is getting real now, right? Punk: "The reason why it's gonna be so satisfying to -" Punk's mic is dead! PIPE BOMB HAS EXPLODED!! They jaw at each other, then HHH gives Punk his mic - but it also goes dead! What's going on? It's a conspiracy! LITTLE JIMMY!! HHH calls for another mic, then DARES Punk to lay the pipe bomb on him! FINALLY SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!! Punk doesn't want the mic, doesn't want it, takes it....and WAFFLES HHH with it! Punk walks off and HHH gives us the Popeye sell as we fade to black.
Total bell to bell time: (27:33) Yeah, if we're looking for change, maybe we could start with that.....
RLP
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